there are stars up above, we can get lost
life is like a camera, focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negatives, and if things dont work out, take another shot.
everybody wants happiness, nobody likes pain. You cant have sunshine, without a little rain
2 slices of whole grain toast with banana, PB, cinnamon and local honey with a roasted vegetable omelette with sharp provolone cheese!
Today I am going above and beyond, today I will love my body, my soul, and enjoy the life around me. Today I will rethink every thought and action that tells me I am not worth recovery and I will fight back even harder to prove to my ED that I really dont need him in my life anymore. I want to be able to think more clearly, act according to my desires, and seriously challenge myself until I am crushed the demon inside of me that is telling me to hold back. I am so ready to be free, I can be happy <3
scenes from my day
someone on my ask blog asked if I had a fig tree and i just thought id show you guys pictures of not only my fig tree but my pear tree as well :)
good morning everybody, woke up and decided today is going to be just as amazing as yesterday and that its time for me to kick back and relax and really break ties with all my ED habits. Woke up and instead of debating on a breakfast choice I went out to the garden to pick some raspberries to clear my mind and just become more mindful with myself and find inner peace in the morning. Hope everyone has an amazing day <3
happy birthday to Jillian <3hope you have the great birthday and you feel free from ED thoughts. love you lots and make the best of it ! xoxoxo
completely down pouring here, perfect day to begin baking some sweet treats! Hope everyone is having a great day <3
I will love everything about myself, appreciate my body, appreciate my life, and treat my body the way I want it to treat me back, and live in the moment.
Anyone wanna join?
During recovery I have gotten so many thoughts and internal doubts about what my body will look like when it reaches my certain “goal weight” Especially earlier in recovery I found myself obsessing over one certain number, pretty much the lowest weight you can be at my height and I decided that was going to be my goal weight. I stuck with that as my goal all up until now. These past few days I have realized something very essential. My body is growing through immense changes and I am slowly learning to accept them. My body will gain until it is done gaining no matter how badly I try to manipulate this proccess if I restrict my calories once I have reached that artificial “goal weight” my mind set for my body, my body will simply self destruct and not fully repair itself because its not at the weight it truly wants to be at. I get alot of questions about girls saying they have gained “belly fat” or just weight in their stomach from their recovery. Well here are some facts for you, everyone recovering with an eating disorder or some type of restrictive eating habits ALWAYS gains weight around the stomach initially because your body is trying to repair your internal organs and insulate the most essential part of your body, your ovaries or intestines because your body is in such fear that you will try to restrict again so it holds all of the weight around your mid section to try and protect those organs while it is momentarily getting food. If you stop at your so called “goal weight” you will retain this mid section and it will not redistribute properly because you didn’t give your body a chance to achieve its optimal set point. Once your body reaches its own optimal set point, without you influencing the weight or your calorie intake, your body will trust that you will be feeding it a normal amount again consistently and it will take that weight and redistribute it other places and that’s when your hormones begin to balance again and your body begins shifting into a more normal state and may actually loose weight even if your eating the same amount it took you to gain weight. Ultimately, the thought of having to gain over the minimal weight range for your height can be a bit overwhelming, but thats only to my eating disorder. To me, this means that I will finally gain the body parts a real girl is SUPPOSED to have. If I try to manipulate the way my body looks before it even trusts me to treat it well again than my body will reject all of the progress I have made and will retain weight in the places I dont want it and my body weight will never redistribute. Honestly, I just want to be happy and healthy and I just want to love and trust my body, and I want my body to do the same back to me. I have been getting so many asks about what I want my goal weight to be but I honestly dont have one any more. Its time for me to accept who I am no matter what weight I am, I want to try to learn my bodies cues and I am putting my full trust into my body. I know I am going to feel uncomfortable but when I think about it, if I go through a relapse and just give up on my recovery, I am going to wind up in a vicious circle of wanting recovery and wondering how amazing my life would be if I was healthy, all over again. Its just this last stage, forgiving my body and accepting the change is the hardest part, learning to let go of everything with my body image and the comfort of still being a little bit thin and just letting my body free to do as it must. My body deserves to be able to adjust itself after all of the damage I have done to it, it deserves to be able to have the proper nutrition, fuel, and weight in order to completely restore all of my inner body functions. So body, I am putting my full trust in you to hopefully gain that trust back one day. Here it goes.
