Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating youself.
What a great quote, means so many different things that apply to recovery. Most people who struggle with disorders question what they will be without their disorder that has identified them for so long. When food doesn’t control my mind and I am no longer the skinny girl in school, who will I be? I have nothing else to do, I have kept myself so isolated for so long that the disorder is the only thing I have in my life. For me this was one of the scariest thoughts to come across in recovery. I realized that if I didn’t want the disorder in my life, I can’t make my life the disorder. It was so hard to try to figure out a solution to this problem. When I had this mug purchased for me from a supportive friend, it all came together. Instead of asking myself who am I supposed to be or what am I supposed to do with my life after letting go of ED I am telling myself what can I be, who do I want to be? I get an image alot of the person I want to be without an ED, I literally get an image in my mind of things I want to do and what I want to be like, even what I want to look like. Instead of just having this image in my back of my mind why don’t I start creating this image? If I don’t love myself with an eating disorder why can’t I create someone I do love without the disorder? Sounds so logical yet we allow every single thought and doubt in our mind to tell us that this is impossible. We only live life once, why not create a person within ourselves that we grow to love and allow ourselves to be loved by others. Just something that has been on my mind alot lately as I begin identifying myself as a living breathing loving human being and stepping outside of the boundaries and insecurties I have built around myself, not sheltered or masked by my disorder.