this is my beautiful sister Danielle <3 she is the funniest, silliest, craziest girl youve ever met! Her diet consists of chicken nuggets, french fries, liters of cocoa cola, hot cocoa, and candy and she is still beautiful. Proof that if you love who you are and what you eat, you can be loved back as well. Danielle, I have and always will admire you. You have always been my biggest inspiration to be healthy because you live such a normal life. Love you and I will always and forever be here for you. xoxo

Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating youself. 

What a great quote, means so many different things that apply to recovery. Most people who struggle with disorders question what they will be without their disorder that has identified them for so long. When food doesn’t control my mind and I am no longer the skinny girl in school, who will I be? I have nothing else to do, I have kept myself so isolated for so long that the disorder is the only thing I have in my life. For me this was one of the scariest thoughts to come across in recovery. I realized that if I didn’t want the disorder in my life, I can’t make my life the disorder. It was so hard to try to figure out a solution to this problem. When I had this mug purchased for me from a supportive friend, it all came together. Instead of asking myself who am I supposed to be or what am I supposed to do with my life after letting go of ED I am telling myself what can I be, who do I want to be? I get an image alot of the person I want to be without an ED, I literally get an image in my mind of things I want to do and what I want to be like, even what I want to look like. Instead of just having this image in my back of my mind why don’t I start creating this image? If I don’t love myself with an eating disorder why can’t I create someone I do love without the disorder? Sounds so logical yet we allow every single thought and doubt in our mind to tell us that this is impossible. We only live life once, why not create a person within ourselves that we grow to love and allow ourselves to be loved by others. Just something that has been on my mind alot lately as I begin identifying myself as a living breathing loving human being and stepping outside of the boundaries and insecurties I have built around myself, not sheltered or masked by my disorder. 

felt like getting creative tonight and i had a buncha old magazine so i made myself a collage to hang up on my wall of some interests i like besides food :D just tried to show myself that even when life brings me down, i have to keep MYSELF strong and push through the times where i am triggered the most. Instead of listening to the negative thoughts in my head i drowned them out with music and art as an escape. Picking up a hobby is the best thing to do, my mind is so distracted when i just sing and focus in on something specific non-food/exercise related. You have no idea how amazing it feels to be able to do this again, actually feel like I am something else but a robot to E.Ds commands or a walking nutritionist who is just looking to criticize someones food choices or appearance. I am becoming someone who i am learning to love and appreciate and feel happy no matter what. Life is to short to sit around and mope about how some things didnt turn out they way they planned. There are SO many things to be sad about in life but in the end, its how you grow and create color in a life of darkness that will allow you to actually be living, not just alive.

just bought this to hang on my fridge, perfect words of inspiration

These handprints were made our front of my house before my eating disorder started. Kinda reminds me if when everything was normal, brings me bak to fun happy an carefree memories. These handprints are from everyone in my family. Even though mine doesn’t exactly fit the size of my hand anymore, I want to be able to mold my life back into the person who made that handprint. I am so close to full recovery, one step away to being who I truly am. It’s terrifying but so exciting at the same time. I can’t wait for life to begin. This handprint keeps the memories safe and makes me realize the true me hasn’t faded. I am recovering.

KICKED EDS ASS TODAY! had all complete balanced meals and instead of my normal nighttime snack, i listened to my cravings and went out and had icecream with my sister! i got a MASSIVE waffle cone with chocolate PB buckeye! it was sweet victory.

stop waiting for tomorrow, make the change today. <3

i used to say i wanna remember amazing memories like this forever thinking they would never happen again, instead i wanna live these moments like these forever. 

Sometimes we have to forget those who hurt us, if they really loved us they wouldn’t have let in the first place (Taken with Instagram)

Sometimes it takes alot of chaos to be able to sit down and really appreciate the silence. Breathe in breathe out, everything will be okay. Tomorrow is always a new day.

outfit of the day!