i promise this one is a useful video! haha, about what this month means to me in my recovery and how amazing recovery freaking feels! love you guys! <3333
Lunch of epic deliciousness: homemade turkey burger with homemade chiptole sauce, extra sharp cheddar, grilled poblano green and orange bell peppers with vidalia onion and a garnish of cilantro on a whole grain seeded bun.
this is meeee, the names Ashley. Never been happier. Went out all day yesterday and was put out of my comfort zone in so many ways but it was amazing. I was able to just be myself and enjoy the night. Wow its so weird to even think that i have truly developed a personality, a passion for life, and even just simply a balanced life after everything I have been through. I really never thought it was possibly to recover from my ED, i was ready to accept it and just tell myself this is who I am and who I will always be and never thought there was anything better on the other side of my struggles. I am happy to say I feel freedom, even though I still have plenty of thoughts like everyone else, I still have regrets, body image days, hard times with food (but rarely!), I can look past them and not have it affect my day, i can see right beyond those destructive thoughts that used to take up my day and just smile and let it all go knowing that if I engaged in those thoughts, itd be taking away from the amazing life I have built around me. I hope everyone in recovery comes to realize that if you just give recovery a chance, step one foot in the right direction, it feels so good to be able to feel the change in your life and put the demon inside of you to rest. Everyone deserves to be free, both you and me <3
Hey guuuyysss! Finally my face is back to normal, I am sooo HAPPY! I have learned so much within the past week its been such a journey. Getting my wisdom teeth out has made me realize alot of things. I had to go through a process, taking out the pain and the headaches I had been experiencing from my wisdom teeth and going through a period of pain and discomfort to, in the end, find myself feeling much better and healthier without the pain of those teeth growing in. At first, the pain was unbearable, the swelling was overwhelming, and it felt like a never ending process. I started to lose sight of what I actually looked like and who I truly was because I was so wrapped up in obsessing over how much my image had changed from the swelling and i lost all of my interest in anything because my body was in such pain and discomfort that I was secluded from alot of things. The worst was eating, I was so hungry but at the same time the thought and act of eating was so painful and stressful that I wanted to just avoid it. As the days went by and I had to deal with the pain, I began to find different ways to make myself feel better and more optimistic about my recovery from the surgery. I had to keep telling myself that the swelling was going to go down and my body would be back to normal soon. It wasnt easy walking around the house hearing a bunch of comments that I looked like fat albert and that it looked like I was mutant or the nick name “fat cat” hung out for a few days, not intended to be hurtful but just to joke about the fact that my face was 10x bigger than normal. Eating became harder as I had to ween off the medication but I tried my hardest to get in as much as I could knowing it would speed the process of recovery up. After stressing myself out all week, being super upset, crying out of feelings of hopelessness, and just pure frustration I woke up this morning to find that it was all gone, no more swelling, a little bit of bruising but most of the pain was gone. I put myself through so much negativity and stress to find that one day I would wake up and everything would be back to normal if I just kept my head up and kept truckin along in the recovery process. Well guys, I found out that this had everything to do with the process of my eating disorder recovery as well. I get so many questions and concerns about people worrying about bloating, calorie increases, fear foods, side effects from eating in the beginning of recovery etc, and it turns out that in the end all the stress and worrying about all the small stuff isnt worth it because it does away in the end. Everything works itself out in the end, its hard to deal with food, the body image, the little temporary changes but in the end it all turns out to be normal. Cherish the process while you can, allow yourself to endure in the changes and the new experiences instead of worrying about the small things that you have no power to change. Its not worth it to ruin and hinder your recovery for things that will go away as long as you keep moving forward in recovery. It was crazy when I realized the similarities of my recovery of ED to everything I have been experiencing this last week. In the end, everything has worked out for the better. Out of bordem of being on bed rest for the past week I applied for a bunch of jobs, applied to photography contests, and many other things and today I even went for a job interview! Yeah sure I could have sat on the couch and cried all weekend because I wasnt my pretty old self but no, instead I did things that would matter and make a positive change in my life instead of constantly focusing on all the negatives that are so easy to get wound up in. Best of luck to everyone in recovery and just realize that the saying “this to shall pass” is so true, as long as you allow yourself to see past the bad things, good things will come your way. xxx
stay strong for yourself because in the end it will be up to you to fight your own battles. smile everyday because you have the own strength to never back down to the demon inside of you and know that you are so much stronger and you have the ability to create your own happiness…let your mind be in the moment, every decision matters.
this is me and my sister Brooke, i am a part of a triplet but this is my twin. We have both struggled long and hard with our eating disorders but today we shared such a special moment. It was one of those moments where you realize youve made it. You’ve walked across the rocky waters and made it past the stormy dark days. We started hysterically crying because this has been such a journey. We thought we were hopeless and that we would never change but now there are true smiles on our faces and we are finally done with the sorrow and pain and have made our way to see happy healthy days. Not every day is perfect and I cant say ED still doesnt sit on my shoulders but we have flourished into two individuals who can love and accept each other not for what we look like, what we eat, or what we do, but for who we are. The best thing that has come out of my recovery is fixing my relationship with you Brooke, I am so happy we have overcome our disorders and our comparisons with each other. I will love and accept you no matter what and I never thought we could mend our relationship but we did. We are living breathing examples that you dont have to be 5’11 and a skinny minny to be happy, you can be of a normal size and weight and be even more happy than any super model will ever be. You can have your cake and eat it too, my life has never been so amazing, and it is all because I decided one day that I was done with my eating disorder. You all have the power to create something beautiful out of your life, so do it <3
went out with brooke to get some mac and cheese for dinner! comfort food at its finest. I got the grueyre, fig, cauliflower and goats cheese mac and cheese with rosemary and whole grain macaroni noodles! I ATE THE WHOLE THING! <33 xxx
breakfast: baked pecan cranberry sweet potato cassarole with a honey maple ginger yogurt! omg yummm. eating awesome food before this storm comes and I have to survive off PB and banana sandwiches, but hey, im not complaining!