never give up




Hey! The names Ashley. Looking for inspiration and strength to recover me fully from my battles with anorexia. Also looking to show the world my sense of style an daily eats! oh, and i love flowers :D Trying to learn to be FULL,
F.un U.nique L.oving L.earning
follow me, i always follow back! (please no thinspo.)
instagram: ashleybar

my challenge breakfast to start off an amazing week! Shared a lovely morning with my dad and decided it was the perfect oppertunity to stick myself in a normal situation and eat what my dad asked me to make him for breakfast so we could share a great experience together! Made made cinnamon brioche french toast with honey strawberries and 2 dippin eggs on the side! I have never been happier in my life, regular french toast tastes so so so amazinggg! all gooey and buttery and oh my goodness so perfect! Hope everyone starts their week off great! This month i have never been so happy and I am doing the opposite of what my ed tells me to do everyday! xoxoxo


my dad asked me to make him and my grandmom brunch before a cleaning spree of the house, decided i would join in and make some lunch for myself along with them as my challenge for the day! I have such a hard time making food for everyone and eating it along with them so i decided this would be an amazing challenge especially since i havent had scrapple in YEARS even though it used to be my favorite food! My dad decided we would make one of my breakfasts I used to eat daily before my ed so we had 3 egg omelettes with spinach and sharp cheddar and avocado with roasted potatoes with leeks and parsley and SCRAPPLE! OMG, cant believe i ate this, it was so freaking delicious and such a pleasure to eat with my family. Couldnt be any happier that I made the choice to recover :) xxx

my dad asked me to make him and my grandmom brunch before a cleaning spree of the house, decided i would join in and make some lunch for myself along with them as my challenge for the day! I have such a hard time making food for everyone and eating it along with them so i decided this would be an amazing challenge especially since i havent had scrapple in YEARS even though it used to be my favorite food! My dad decided we would make one of my breakfasts I used to eat daily before my ed so we had 3 egg omelettes with spinach and sharp cheddar and avocado with roasted potatoes with leeks and parsley and SCRAPPLE! OMG, cant believe i ate this, it was so freaking delicious and such a pleasure to eat with my family. Couldnt be any happier that I made the choice to recover :) xxx


My stylish work outfit :) butler at a restaurant! I don’t know how guys wear these things, they’re so uncomfortable! Also tried a huuuuuuuuuge scoop of white chocolate pistachio semifreddo at work, omg it was so freaking good! My ED surely didn’t want it but oh boy Ashley 110% enjoyed it :)

My stylish work outfit :) butler at a restaurant! I don’t know how guys wear these things, they’re so uncomfortable! Also tried a huuuuuuuuuge scoop of white chocolate pistachio semifreddo at work, omg it was so freaking good! My ED surely didn’t want it but oh boy Ashley 110% enjoyed it :)


Wasnt feeling the polenta pizza, I was feeling more of a challenge. Saved the polenta for my mom and made myself a classic bacon egg and cheese on an everything bagel.  Hell yes.

Wasnt feeling the polenta pizza, I was feeling more of a challenge. Saved the polenta for my mom and made myself a classic bacon egg and cheese on an everything bagel. 

Hell yes.


well this is just an amazing day!

cibatta bread with turkey, avocado, red pepper, white cheddar cheese and spinach leaves

nom!


completely dominating this sandwich right now and yes, that is white bread!

sarcones roll with roasted grilled vegetables, roasted garlic aioli, rosemary grilled chicken and provolone cheese

HONESTLY SO FREAKING INCREDIBLE! I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING AND THAT I MADE THIS FOR MYSELF!


my craving for ice cream has not yet been satisfied… <3

my craving for ice cream has not yet been satisfied… <3


banana dark chocolate chip buttermilk pancakes with a drizzle of honey and a delicious dollop of peanut butter!

totally epic, no regrets!


Lately I have been trying to spend my afternoons out of my comfort zone of hiding my body (bloating or not) in a bikini top or sports bra. Last time when I tried recovering I wore T-shirts all the time and when I finally out on a bathing suit in the summer I wasn&#8217;t used to the way I looked and I was so extremely uncomfortable because I hid the change for so long and tried to just ignore it. This time I have learned from my mistakes and I am trying to accept my body from beginning to end, trying to allow myself to be able to be comfortable in my skin and allow others to see me as well. If I keep hiding my body from myself and other it is just leading me down a spiral of unhealthy body image and bad self confidence. Everyday right after I eat lunch I challenge myself and do this no matter how full I am and I even eat my afternoon snack like this as well. It&#8217;s also a huge reality check to those thoughts in my head that tell me I gain weight right after I eat something. I see the change in my stomach through the day. Of course right after a meal I have a little teeny stomach pooch, but time and rest and digestion take that away with an hr. Usually I would allow my thoughts to overtake my mind and tell me that If I am full my body is gaining weight, TOTALLY FALSE. Everyday I feel more and more comfortable with my body because I see it everyday all day. No I don&#8217;t have six pack abs or even a thigh gap but ya know what, if I love and have confidence in my own body, others will love and accept me as well. I learned that yes, fixing and accepting food is a huge part of my recovery but it is allowing the food that I eat to be completely separate from the way that I think about my body because if I connect food and my body image if I were to ever have a challenging meal, I would feel worse about my body. Ultimately this is something that has benefitted me so much in recovery so far because I am learning that my body doesn&#8217;t immensely change everyday and when I have cramps, my stomach isn&#8217;t gaining weight by the second, everything takes time. I love my body and will keep loving and caring for my body throughout my entire recovery. Time to accept myself for who I am whether I have a six pack or not! Xoxo

Lately I have been trying to spend my afternoons out of my comfort zone of hiding my body (bloating or not) in a bikini top or sports bra. Last time when I tried recovering I wore T-shirts all the time and when I finally out on a bathing suit in the summer I wasn’t used to the way I looked and I was so extremely uncomfortable because I hid the change for so long and tried to just ignore it. This time I have learned from my mistakes and I am trying to accept my body from beginning to end, trying to allow myself to be able to be comfortable in my skin and allow others to see me as well. If I keep hiding my body from myself and other it is just leading me down a spiral of unhealthy body image and bad self confidence. Everyday right after I eat lunch I challenge myself and do this no matter how full I am and I even eat my afternoon snack like this as well. It’s also a huge reality check to those thoughts in my head that tell me I gain weight right after I eat something. I see the change in my stomach through the day. Of course right after a meal I have a little teeny stomach pooch, but time and rest and digestion take that away with an hr. Usually I would allow my thoughts to overtake my mind and tell me that If I am full my body is gaining weight, TOTALLY FALSE. Everyday I feel more and more comfortable with my body because I see it everyday all day. No I don’t have six pack abs or even a thigh gap but ya know what, if I love and have confidence in my own body, others will love and accept me as well. I learned that yes, fixing and accepting food is a huge part of my recovery but it is allowing the food that I eat to be completely separate from the way that I think about my body because if I connect food and my body image if I were to ever have a challenging meal, I would feel worse about my body. Ultimately this is something that has benefitted me so much in recovery so far because I am learning that my body doesn’t immensely change everyday and when I have cramps, my stomach isn’t gaining weight by the second, everything takes time. I love my body and will keep loving and caring for my body throughout my entire recovery. Time to accept myself for who I am whether I have a six pack or not! Xoxo


this is me, thoroughly enjoying my second pita with peanut butter and my second banana for just one snack. When I got home from the second car accident (also not my fault again!) I was very upset and emotionally confused that why is it that when I am trying to help my body other things are happening that hurt it, and also creates stress around me. This was such a challenge to tell myself that I wasnt going to numb all the chaos by not eating, I felt totally unsatisfied after just having 1 pita so I allowed myself another one even though I knew it was so so so much food and so challenging, the first one was incredible and the second was just as good and I decided it was okay for me to eat two of them, normal people have moments where they eat more than they had intended on but they move on, and so did I. I am sick of my eating disorder telling me there is a limit to food even if I am trying to recover, even if my goal is to gain weight my eating disorder was trying to set a limit on my snack even though my body wanted other wise, I gave into my body and not my ED and it felt so incredibly good. I actually fell asleep from all the stress and just allowed my mind and body to rest like it wanted too. I am sick and tired of letting my eating disorder make bad situations even worse and making me feel hopeless in my recovery. Like i had mentioned before when I got home I looked at pre-ed pictures and fell in love with the person behind my amazing lovely smile, I cant wait to become that person again and I am finally making strides to get there. I cant wait to be able to function and think like a normal person instead of relating every single bad situation back to my eating disorder. Its time to begin accepting that everything happens for a reason, whether its good or bad, and just learn and move on.

xoxo

sorry about the bags under my eyes, I was cryiinnnggg :/